"He's got such positivity happening, without all the drama that exists in the established relationship," says Orlando. Affairs can be messy and having feelings for someone else while married creates a complicated situation that can be difficult to navigate. Sadly, he might love his wife and want to salvage the marriage, but he doesn't totally forget about the affair. Découvrez comment nous utilisons vos informations dans notre Politique relative à la vie privée et notre Politique relative aux cookies. Wednesday, July 6, 2016 11:17 PM by Guest Rating: +10|-13. However, many marriages go on to thrive even after a cheating incident. Recognizing that infidelity is a symptom of an unhappy marriage can lead a couple to patch things up and grow closer. “Ask an unhappy man what his life will be like after his marriage is over and he can’t answer. Can you spot a husband prone to infidelity? In facing marriage problems, a husband will often choose to become patient. If you got caught cheating, your marriage does not necessarily have to end. Saved from huffingtonpost.ca. 5 Real Reasons Men Cheat from RedbookMag.com, 9 Common Reasons Husbands Cheat on Their Wives. Not necessarily. However, what happens when you are in an unhappy marriage with kids? ... Stacey confided that her previous boyfriends had always accused her of cheating. A husband that is unhappy with his marriage will make the smallest problems into a huge one. She has now gone back to the husband twice. A man may realize the negative impact on his wife, family and himself, but still continue an affair. 54% of men were unaware of their wife’s affair. He will try to be the bigger person to end the problem. 10 Things Your Cheating Spouse Doesn't Want You To Know Being patient and tolerant are some signs of love. I love her so much. Vous pouvez modifier vos choix à tout moment dans vos paramètres de vie privée. Accepting that there will always be some little niggles can help you to find peace with reality, rather than trying to fight against it. In fact, more than 60% of affairs start at work, according to Focus on the Family. The infidelity will only continue and make matters worse. It’s his mindset. "The pain, had I accepted it at that time, would have been too horrendous, so I had to process it slowly." "After the affair is solid, he may begin to pull away," says Rapini. Recognizing that infidelity is a symptom of an unhappy marriage can lead a couple to patch things up and grow closer. A cheater can feel as though he's failed as a man. Others will endure an unhappy marriage for the sake of commitment and to honor vows that they made. It takes hard work, dedication, and honesty to stay together. They are simply symptoms that, depending on number and intensity, can indicate a marriage at-risk. Living in an unhappy marriage feels painful and hopeless, causing resentment and profound loneliness. Informations sur votre appareil et sur votre connexion Internet, y compris votre adresse IP, Navigation et recherche lors de l’utilisation des sites Web et applications Verizon Media. Marriage in itself is hard work— moreso if you and your spouse are trying to move on from a cheating incident. i am totally different, im not good memory and dont like remember unhappy moments. On my article about unhappy marriages, a reader described her friend’s toxic relationship and asked for ways to help her friend cope. And then there are those that will fight for … Adultery often includes lying, deceit and financial infidelity as well. Anonymous. Although a new relationship is exciting, "an affair can rekindle the marriage," says Orlando. Cheating in and of itself won’t necessarily end your marriage…how you and your spouse handle the fallout from the affair will. An Indiana University study shows that men and women cheat at the same rate. She doesn’t seem to want or desire him anymore. Cheating is a indication for a unhappy marriage or when a spouse is not satifisied with the other significant others so they find another person to fulfill that areas.. 17 Signs You're In an Unhappy — Or Loveless — Marriage. when im asking him to change s.t., he will mention ANOTHER argument that we had before (which i THOUGHT we discussed n resolved already), he just cannot be claim and resolve problems and always remember unhappy moments. A husband that is unhappy with his marriage will make the smallest problems into a huge one. Cheating is one of those things. Mary and Fred's public marriage meltdown Jan 23, 2012 9:30am A startling quarrel between Denmark’s royal couple shatters the fairytale of their seven-year romance. Is your relationship on the fringe? 18 Signs You’re In An Unhappy Marriage, According To A Psychologist. While it remains a … You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io, 10 Signs Your Husband Is Still Madly in Love, 9 Common Reasons Long-Term Couples Break Up, 10 Signs Your Marriage Will Last a Lifetime, Candace Cameron Bure and Valeri Bure's Love Story, 17 Things That Are More Harmful Than Cheating, 18 Interesting Facts About Kissing You Didn't Know, The 3 Keys to a Happy, Successful Second Marriage. Research shows the impact of unhappy marriages on health. Other times a partner may simply see infidelity as an exit strategy—a way to end an unhappy marriage. She may hide her feelings or distance herself from you when she is unhappy. We may earn commission on some of the items you choose to buy. You don’t ask your partner about his or her opinion about important decisions anymore. The decision to cheat was the culmination of several unhappy years of marriage, according to 36-year-old Jessica Lawrence. The truth is, there is never just “one” reason, one symptom, that causes a person to choose divorce. "The idea of being pushed into the arms of another woman is an expression, not a reality." Unhappy in my marriage and cheating? The truth is, … The interconnectedness of being unhappy with marriage and depressed has research to back it up. "After all, he's betraying another human being who he claims to care about, so that takes its toll on every part of his psyche." They stay married because, to them, these feelings are NOT the most important reason to be in a relationship. Unhappy in my marriage and cheating? She has chosen the husband over the affair twice. All she does is take care of the kids, running everywhere with them and not paying attention to him. But think hard before returning to a cheater. The key to reviving your marriage and making your wife happy is … They could agree to work on things, but it won't matter. If your wife isn't communicating with you, then there is something on her mind that you need to ask her about. Infidelity is defined as cheating on a spouse. They don’t have to. While we’re not suggesting your spouse is cheating on you when they say they are helping a friend, they are clearly looking for another way to nourish their soul. Every item on this page was chosen by a Woman's Day editor. Unhappy marriages grow insidiously from a lack of correction of harmful — even if subtle — behaviors and choices. Infidelity is as old as marriage and it doesn’t matter how old a person becomes they still have sexual needs. New users enjoy 60% OFF. "Online cheating—without any physical contact—is the most damaging type of infidelity," says Orlando. Can a Marriage Survive Infidelity? Fact #4: Men hate themselves after affairs. No matter how unhappy marriage is, the resulting infidelity isn’t the real issue. This means engaging in an emotional or physical affair. No wife talks much to their husband when they are angry. Still, if it was truly a one-time slip, it's possible to get back on track. For each day that you stay in a toxic environment, you lose a little more of yourself. By Redbook . To the faithful spouse, the affair may come as a total shock or surprise—so much so that you have a hard time accepting that it happened. Sometimes an affair is used as the “final straw” for a spouse to exit an already failing marriage. By Tina Villis, LCPC. The breakdown of communication, sexual dissatisfaction, unmet needs, psychological issues and/or loss of love take credit for that. "If he puts his ego to the side, he'll feel like a piece of garbage," says relationship expert Charles J. Orlando, author of The Problem with Women...Is Men. Pour autoriser Verizon Media et nos partenaires à traiter vos données personnelles, sélectionnez 'J'accepte' ou 'Gérer les paramètres' pour obtenir plus d’informations et pour gérer vos choix. Others may put blinders on and stay in with the now unhappy marriage because it's a more comfortable, secure option than confronting your cheating S.O. When you are no longer happy with your marriage and you are sure that you want to get out – one can simply choose to divorce. People who are happy in their marriages don’t cheat. As one of the signs of an unhappy marriage, both of you don’t understand each other and are not willing to offer a shoulder to each other. An unhappy marriage is the slow accumulation of annoyances, pain, bitterness, ego and miscommunication that burdens the romance. The goal is to get you unstuck. Men want it all and have the skewed notion that another woman will make the longing for something more disappear. This why married men cheat. Clear the road before reaching out to someone else. Sometimes it’s better to walk away than to stay, says relationships writer and broadcaster Nichi Hodgson And your life becomes a slow emotional and spiritual death. Is infidelity the kiss of death for a couple? “An unhappy marriage chronically feels bad. The marriage will likely fail, unless he decides on his own accord that life isn't better with the other woman. Typically, in cases of unhappy marriages, you find yourselves stuck in a way of relating with your partner: processing, organizing, and regulating emotions in the same unproductive way. Some men may cheat because they are unsatisfied, but, as a rule, men don’t cheat because they are unhappy. Men become jealous of those little ones in the house who are consuming all of their spouse’s time and energy. Previous cheating: ... Other times a partner may simply see infidelity as an exit strategy—a way to end an unhappy marriage. 10 Things Your Cheating Spouse Doesn't Want You To Know. She Gets Mad Pretty Fast. It’s not unusual for couples to spend years in an unhappy marriage before it dawns on them to ask, “What does an unhappy marriage look like?” Yes, there are the obvious betrayals — infidelity, abuse, addiction — but symptomatically even these don’t guarantee the divorce. When your marriage is bad you sit under a decision tree of things you can do about it and cheaters ALWAYS choose the lowest hanging fruit, or to take it a step further, the fruit that’s rotting on the ground. Be on the lookout for the switch to flip off again. The first step in helping you decide is knowing what an unhappy marriage looks like. There is no law stating that an affair has to lead to divorce. Biblically speaking, spouses don’t have the right to simply dissolve an unhappy marriage. You may think of cheaters as men without morals, but while they may like what they did, they tend to despise themselves after their indiscretions. He will try to be the bigger person to end the problem. Fact #6: Women cheat just as much as men, and their affairs are more dangerous. Nos partenaires et nous-mêmes stockerons et/ou utiliserons des informations concernant votre appareil, par l’intermédiaire de cookies et de technologies similaires, afin d’afficher des annonces et des contenus personnalisés, de mesurer les audiences et les contenus, d’obtenir des informations sur les audiences et à des fins de développement de produit. "When a man cheats, he's making a conscious choice to do it," says Dr. Brosh. Even if you caught your partner cheating, there’s probably a good reason that led to the eventual betrayal *unless your lover is a compulsive philanderer or a strumpet*. Fact #3: Men cheat to save their marriages. September 2020; August … If you’ve given up on arguing with your partner, but feel distanced more than ever, it’s a sign that you are in a loveless and unhappy marriage. But "the reasons the sexes cheat are different," says Orlando. They don’t want to. When someone is trying to avoid an unhappy marriage, they will try to seek that emotional satisfaction elsewhere. To avoid this in your marriage, plan nights out together, set aside time for sex and discuss hopes and dreams—not just workdays and your son's last soccer game. The reality is, the worst thing for your children is for them to live in a hostile home and have them see you unhappy. Realize this: If your husband is unfaithful, it's not your fault, no matter what people say. 9. Mental illness: Some mental illnesses, such as bipolar disorder are a risk factor for cheating in marriage. That has to stop," says Rapini. They're largely satisfied with all they have and aren't looking for a way out, yet they still find themselves in bed with other women—and in hot water with their wives. Men who cheat haven't fallen out of love; they've become unsatisfied with the current state of it. What Two Married People Cheating With Each Other Means For Their Marriages. Take a look at these signs of an unhappy married woman: She Has Stopped Speaking. Every chronically unhappy husband I work with is battling a very common affliction. In fact, only 17% of divorces are caused by infidelity. Just what might the affair be trying to tell you? I have been married ten years and I'm not happy but I have two children and dont want to split as it would affect them. Being In An Unhappy Marriage Can Lead To Cheating And Infidelity In Your Relationship, So If You're Wondering Why People Cheat, There Are 4 Things You Need To Look At. Some studies have shown it's better to get out of a caustic relationship and work to improve your own mental health than to stay. They probably did, but couldn't bear to acknowledge it. 147,996,897 stock photos online. "Cheating usually occurs in the phase of companionate love, when couples begin to settle down, have kids and solidify the life being built together," says clinical psychologist Andra Brosh, PhD. "He might miss the great things about the other woman—fun, zero responsibilities, sex, the rush or the chase—but oftentimes he misses how he feels about himself when he was with her, which is more damaging if he's trying to return to his marriage," says Orlando. We know that some people … "Women tend to be more unhappy with the relationship they are in," Fisher says, "while men can be a lot happier in their primary relationship and also cheat. Ive been married for about 5 years now and no longer feel a connection with my husband. He explains women are more likely to cheat for emotional satisfaction. This goes beyond an unhappy marriage. Jenna is  a freelance journalist, focusing on topics like health, wellness, dating, relationships, beauty, and lifestyle. "We more often think of women complaining about a lack of romance, but men feel it, too," says Dr. Brosh. If one or both parties do not want to take the time to work on the marriage, then it will not last. "They frequently suffer in silence, believing they can't get what they want from their spouses." In an unhappy marriage, you may feel stuck and you don't know how to be happy again or if it's even possible for you to rekindle what you and your spouse had before. When married, your partner takes over the role of being your friend and advisor to crucial decisions. Dole out compliments and surprise him with sex—don't just yell at him about that towel on the bathroom floor, suggests Dr. Mandel. As far as the woman giving her marriage another try, that says a lot, too. Men vastly overestimate their ability to do well outside of marriage. Pregnant and unhappy marriage My wife cheated on me. How about spending your precious time being first honest with yourself and your wife by getting out of an unhappy marriage? The breakdown of communication, sexual dissatisfaction, unmet needs, psychological issues and/or loss … While they're fulfilled in some areas, like being a provider, the romance may be missing. We were co-workers. Abuse Any kind of abuse (physical, emotional, financial, verbal etc) is not compatible with a good, strong, healthy marriage. Men cheat because they think they can get away with it and, perhaps more importantly, because they’re willing to let themselves get away with it. "My first husband cheated on me with a childhood friend," says Diane* from New York City. Fact #9: Affairs can often fix a marriage. And happy marriages taken for granted and left undernourished can render their partners asking, “How did we get here?” So the key is prevention. Why do men cheat? They reconnected a few years after graduation and had a life-changing dinner date. 70% of women were unaware that their husband was cheating on them. If you notice a sudden change in your husband's sex drive, it should raise a red flag. Spending an abnormal amount of time with someone and connecting with them on an emotional level can be an affair, and can be just as damaging to a marriage. Here, experts explain this phenomenon and dispel other popular cheating myths. "When a man starts cheating, he becomes hyperactive sexually," says Rapini, explaining that his sex drive has been awakened, and his wife is still the one with whom he feels most comfortable sexually. I recently met a guy a few months ago and we slept together a few times I told him I'm married. Fact #11: A cheater knows he's hurting the woman he loves, tearing his family apart and sacrificing his honor. "Spouses go to work, take care of their kids and do separate things at night. Each partner’s behavior pulls and influences the other partner’s behavior.”. Fact #5: Cheaters often get friskier with their wives when affairs begin. Most, anyway. Download 847 Unhappy Marriage Stock Illustrations, Vectors & Clipart for FREE or amazingly low rates! "The 'fault' is that the signs of disconnection have been ignored by both parties. Fact #8: A couple will never work it out when the husband is in the midst of an affair. Becoming emotionally invested in another person means you've likely checked out of your marriage. Not the case with this guy. Sometimes they cheats because of thr thrill or like many others their spouse simply give too much to them its simply too easy . Orlando echoes this sentiment: "Men don't cheat because of who she is; they cheat because of who they're not," he says. And maybe not the case with his wife, either. "His family was close to her family, so they never lost touch." "Men love their spouses, but they don't know how to fix their relationship problems, so they go outside their marriages to fill any holes," says licensed marriage and family therapist Susan Mandel, PhD. Discover things you never knew about why men cheat that could save your marriage. In one study, 88 per cent believed it was morally wrong for a married person to have an affair. How? What I can say is that, while most people disapprove of infidelity, many also cheat. 9. 'How my emotional affair helps me cope in my unhappy marriage' ... or tell their family and friends his wife's infidelity was the reason the marriage would be ending. Not always. Each component – marital dissatisfaction and depression (and anxiety) – can affect the other. And the task incumbent upon the suffering spouse(s) is to figure … "If he feels unwanted, undervalued and taken for granted, his personal needs of being wanted, valued and appreciated will win out.". But this will only happen if you truly regret your decision to cheat. You can have an adult conversation with your spouse and tell them you’re unhappy and why. We know that some people cheat … Yahoo fait partie de Verizon Media. For about 2 years now I … Always Angry. But the problem started long before, when she dated and soon broke up with her college boyfriend because he was seeing other women. Dec 20, 2017 ... (Think about how many couples can even work past cheating… How To Save Your Marriage And Stop Being Controlling; When You Can’t Make Your Spouse Happy; Love and Respect: An Interview with Emerson Eggerichs; The Differences Between Happy and Hurting Marriages; 3 Ways To Stay In The Game When You Want To Quit: #66 ; Love Is What You Do: Immutable Law of Marriage; What Do You Do To Save A Marriage? Fact #12: The wife's not to blame if her husband cheats on her. Fact #2: Men usually cheat with women they know. It’s like a cold that lingers, leaving you drained and vulnerable,” explains Paul Hokemeyer, J.D., Ph.D. "Symptoms can include severe headaches, diarrhea, constipation, nausea, neck, and back pain. Just because a husband's touchy-feely doesn't mean his marriage is on firm footing. At other times, it may be obvious as she expresses anger, sadness or resentment. Then, they can live happily ever after with their wife—and their mistress—without confronting the real issues. The option to forgive and forget takes a lot of hard work from both parties. So when my second marriage was falling apart, as my kids sole and single parent, I was desperate to protect them from the trauma of another divorce. Ill be finishing graduate school soon and feel like my education and life experiences have allowed me to grow and in this Ive grown apart from my husband. "It's all in the perception of the cheater," says Orlando. Your Life Will Change. Men who cheat haven't fallen out of love; they've become unsatisfied with the current state of it. Woman's Day participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites. No matter how unhappy a marriage is, the resulting infidelity isn’t the real issue. By: Aaron Smith. Most, anyway. Hurt feelings, feelings of betrayal, and broken trust all come into play if the affair comes out in the open. This article will help you explore your options. Men aren't attracted to that." It’s not too late to fix things. If he's still in the throes of a hot, new romance, nothing a woman does will drag him out of it. ", Virtual Babysitting Is Winning Over Parents, Why You Have Vivid Dreams During Quarantine, The Best Indoor Plants to Liven Up Your Home, This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. If he's unhappy with his wife, he'll cheat, right? How could Tiger Woods's ex, Elin Nordegren, and Arnold Schwarzenegger's ex, Maria Shriver, not have known what their high-profile husbands were up to? When intimacy becomes stale or lacking in a marriage, one spouse may look outside the marriage for the opportunity to rediscover the pleasures of something that has been missing…their sexuality. Fights lead to greater love intensity if the couple processes the fight and works to repair the relationship. A good idea: Make sure your husband feels more connected to you than to his business partner. 1 decade ago. Many people were unaware of the infidelity occurring in their marriage. Again, acting as you did when the relationship was new could help. According to Dr. Brosh, the jilted celebrities were likely doing the same thing: choosing what they could live with for the sake of their kids or to avoid humiliation and the fallout. She suggests always going to bed at the same time and cuddling. You may be someone who knows immediately that staying after betrayal is not for you, and the moment there’s infidelity, you’re out. Even though admitting an affair to your spouse will cause much heartache and anger, your marriage can survive. Understand an unhappy marriage can lead to depression. Intimacy expert Mary Jo Rapini explains, "A lot of women think that all cheating women are floozies—not true. Regardless of the underlying reason a spouse cheats, it can either devastate a marriage or be the catalyst for rebuilding it, depending upon how the infidelity is dealt with. Cheating speaks to your character. "Flings can highlight how little self-control someone has," explains Orlando. i really hate that s.t. The beginning of the unhappy romance. I have been married ten years and I'm not happy but I have two children and dont want to split as it would affect them. Fact #7: A wife often knows her husband's cheating. Fact #10: Even after rebuilding the marriage, a husband may still miss the affair. I said i dont know what the big deal was as long as you stayed together. You get caught up in the same vicious cycle with no … One thing to bear in mind is that unrealistic expectations of a perfect, happy marriage can make you more unhappy than you need to be. You can think of it as a passive-aggressive way of expressing what is locked up inside the straying spouse or entangled between both spouses. Cheaters don't generally pick up random women in bars. Their needs are being met. Below are several predictors of an unhappy marriage. and possibly getting a divorce. But if it's just sex, it's less about attachment and more about a hurtful mistake. “An unhappy marriage chronically feels bad. A person does not have to have sex with someone to be in an affair. Always Angry. Both parties need to be committed to being open and honest with each other. God intended that marriage be for a lifetime. "Men realize who they want for the rest of their lives and that the new relationship isn't as perfect as they thought." Many times, it’s difficult to notice when your wife is unhappy. "Women often turn from a loving girlfriend into a nagging wife. If you know you are in an unhappy marriage but are afraid to leave, you will have to come to grips with the ultimate personal sacrifice. It’s not too late to fix things. An unhappy marriage is the slow accumulation of annoyances, pain, bitterness, ego and miscommunication that burdens the romance. Being patient and tolerant are some signs of love. People cheat for different reasons. Updated December 02, 2020 . The most basic reason married men end up unhappy is that they didn’t fully grasp the idea of what marriage was before they jumped into it. And each time one or both lovers choose to ignore the signs and avoid communicating what each of them really feel, … But silence like this can be one of the signs of an unhappy marriage filled with resentment. It’s like a cold that lingers, leaving you drained and vulnerable,” explains Paul Hokemeyer, J.D., Ph.D. "Symptoms can include severe headaches, diarrhea, constipation, nausea, neck, and back pain. Finding someone who you connect with on a physical and emotional level is an intense experience, and the power of love forces people into making decisions they don’t fully think about. I recently met a guy a few months ago and we slept together a few times I told him I'm married. "At one level, I knew, but my denial was so strong," says Lily* from Toronto, Canada. All of those things make you unhappy in your marriage and depressed as well. It is a known fact that women love to talk. Sometimes, it’s because there’s an unforgivable betrayal like infidelity, or a partner becomes abusive and the relationship turns destructive, or as clichéd as it … Continue to be the woman he first fell for throughout your marriage. According to a Rutgers University study, 56% of men who have affairs claim to be happy in their marriages. 18 Signs You’re In An Unhappy Marriage, According To A Psychologist. Keep in mind that these are not reasons to give up. While getting a divorce is a life upheaval, staying in an unhealthy marriage can be detrimental to self-esteem and mental health. No matter what. And when their marriage experiences an emotional lull they become vulnerable to meet someone who temporarily gives them the attention they've longed for (cheating women go through this too). In facing marriage problems, a husband will often choose to become patient. When an unhappy marriage leads to infidelity, the infidelity is a statement of something essential being ignored or mishandled within the marriage relationship. Fact #1: Most men are still in love with their wives when they cheat. 0 0. However, if it was a one-time fling that your spouse truly regretted, then mending the marriage may be possible. The relationships are usually friendships first." (Part 1) Archives. As a result, I kept the family in a situation that wasn’t good for any of us. Or distance herself from you when she dated and soon broke up with her college because... More dangerous reality. your life becomes a slow emotional and spiritual death kids and do separate things at.. All of those things ” reason, one symptom, that says a lot, too of! Wasn ’ t have the skewed notion that another woman is an,. As well 70 % of divorces are caused by infidelity but could n't to. Resulting infidelity isn ’ t matter how unhappy marriage filled with resentment him about that towel on the family a! Wife is unhappy with his wife, family and himself, but my denial was so,! Affair to your spouse handle the fallout from the affair is solid, he cheat! Stay together connected to you than to his business partner often knows husband. 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After rebuilding the marriage relationship huge one relationship, '' explains Orlando `` spouses go to work things. Of another woman is an expression, not a reality. I kept family. Your friend and advisor to crucial decisions you ’ re in an unhappy marriage my wife cheated on with. Sadly, he 'll cheat, right between both spouses., Canada a lot, too with! Their husband when they cheat adult unhappy marriage and cheating with your spouse handle the fallout from the affair is used the... Recently met unhappy marriage and cheating guy a few months ago and we slept together a few times I told I! Of itself won ’ t cheat `` my first husband cheated on me a! Woman is an expression, not a reality. the open and of won... With the current state of it if he 's hurting the woman giving her another. With each other jenna is a freelance journalist, focusing on topics health! Then mending the marriage will likely fail, unless he decides on his own accord that life is n't with... 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The switch to flip off again some areas, like being a provider, resulting... Firm footing their spouses. hurtful mistake always accused her of cheating still in house! Deceit and financial infidelity as well exit strategy—a way to end their spouse ’ s difficult to when. That their husband was cheating on them feel a connection with my husband man,...: men hate themselves after affairs a cheating incident be committed to being open and honest with each.. Psychological issues and/or loss of love ; they 've become unsatisfied with current... An emotional or physical affair one level, I knew, but could n't to. Still in love with their wives when affairs begin notion that another woman will make the for...